Wound of Farewell
by MorganD
Summary: Shounen Ai YukiYueTouya. Sequel to 'A Guardian's Heart'. Eriol, his Guardians and Kaho are leaving Tomoeda. Time for explanations and goodbyes.
1. Prologue - The Edibility of the Hippopot...

****

Wound of Farewell_  
by __Morgan D._

**__**

Card Captor Sakura and its characters belong to CLAMP and Kodansha.   
I'm here just to make a mess of their story.   
Sequel to **"A Guardian's Heart"**_ (you should read it first in order to understand this one);   
the action is staged during the events of episode 70 of the anime and volume 12 of the manga._   
_Tons of spoilers, Shounen Ai._

****

Glossary:  
Baito _- short for "arubaito", from German: Arbeit. Work, part-time job.**  
**_Oishii_ - nice, good, tasty (technically only applicable for food, but it's Yukito we're talking about ^_~)**  
**_Tenpura_ - tempura (duh!)**  
**_Sontsu howanyun_ - fried fish and legumes (Chinese culinary)_

****

~*~

Prologue  
The Edibility of the Hippopotamuses

Solid blackness exploded into reddish golden clouds inflamed by the furious sunset, and To-ya's dark blue eyes. "I promise," Yukito said. "Yukito will..."

He hesitated. Why would he speak of himself in the third person? So he amended, "We..."

We? 

We who?

His heart throbbed in his ears. Inexplicably, Yukito wanted to cry. "I will remember."

And just as he mused that there was nothing there to remember, To-ya jumped loose in the air, letting go of everything that kept him stable and safe, to fall trustingly into his arms and on his lips. 

To-ya.

Kissed.

Him.

More shocking than that was the realization that he had been waiting, hoping, praying for To-ya to kiss him like that, just like that, for... how long? His whole life? How could he have wanted something so desperately and not even know about it?

Yukito never thought about asking anything from his best friend, except that he treat Sakura-chan more gently. There was no way to list everything To-ya had given him -- the strength to live on, just to mention the top item -- and Yukito embraced all those precious gifts with a gratitude beyond words, and a slightly mortifying sense of being unworthy. But that wasn't the reason why he never asked anything. He simply didn't **_want_** anything more than being there next to the Kinomoto siblings, beside To-ya's warm, bright presence. 

Or so he had imagined until the moment their mouths met. All of a sudden his whole being seemed to plead and sob and breathe in a way he thought impossible, and so unbearably shameful. As To-ya's lips captured his and large cool hands touched his burning cheeks, Yukito dived into an unprecedented typhoon of need and terror, the gusts of wind piercing his ears with a frantic song, don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me... He raised his hands to the only anchor that could save him from being hurled out of the universe, and sheltered To-ya in his longing arms and wings.

Wings?

Wings. Enormous snowy wings glowing shyly around To-ya's slender body, silvery feathers shivering under the breeze, holding on to a treasure he was sure he didn't deserve. Wings that felt disturbingly real, as tangible muscular limbs coming from his back, sensitive to temperature and touch. Wings that felt familiar, comfortable, and very, very right.

Yukito opened his lips to To-ya's loving kiss, shuddering at the salty strife of their tongues, slowly realizing that he was kissing back. He, who had never kissed anyone before, was playing with To-ya's mouth so easily, so eagerly, so unafraid of doing it wrong and making friend laugh at his inability. A soft moan of delight, and To-ya's fingers entwined in his hair, palms pressing his ears...

And something shattered inside him. 

He had done something wrong, something awful, horrible, unforgivable. Not to To-ya, but to someone... someone... Yukito couldn't see any face, couldn't remember any name. A tall, dark silhouette floated in his mind, wrapping him in a powerful vibrant aura, raising a gentle hand to touch his left ear, presenting him with an azure pulsing gem that exhaled the intoxicating perfumes of love and pride. 

"For a pet," someone else whispered in Yukito's ear. "The love and pride for a mere pet."

Focusing on the sense of that aura, on the exquisite shape of the gem, Yukito blinked. Then giggled. Who was that silly person whispering nonsense to him? That strong, caring presence didn't talk of pets, but of unshakeable pride for his son, and unconditional love for his number one. 

Immediately a wave of sorrow and guilt swallowed his laughter. Yukito felt bad for laughing, and felt even worse for having betrayed the one who had given him that gem -- although he couldn't quite remember what he had done to betray him. He had... thrown the gem away? Why?

But no no no no, To-ya was breaking the kiss, going away, letting him go, don't leave me! Yukito enclosed his wings around the taller boy, kissing him as if his life depended on that. He would retrieve the gem later, he knew he could, and maybe that strong aura wouldn't be so disappointed in him. But later, please? Because soon To-ya would recover his senses and leave, and Yukito feared he would never have the courage to face him again after this. 

Or not so soon maybe? To-ya didn't seem any more willing to recover his senses right now, as he dived into their embrace even more resolutely than before, paying no attention to minor things such as gravity and other laws of physics . Yukito dimly thought about using those unexpected wings of his to better support his friend's legs, and was surprised when the giant appendages actually obeyed his impulse. 

The longer feathers brushed on something. A plushy spherical object... To-ya was half sitting on it. The image of a pink striped balloon with petite wings and a playful spirit formed in the back of his mind, evoking from him both relief and abashment. Relief because it was a guarantee that To-ya wouldn't fall and get hurt. Abashment because the frisky balloon could tell the others that he was kissing To-ya, and then he was sure he would never EVER have the guts of facing any of them again... 

Huh? Them who?

Okay, so Yukito was losing his senses too. What was the surprise? It should be expected, with To-ya kissing him like... like...

His tongue. To-ya had captured his tongue. And now he was... pulling... sucking... drinking it... thirstily... possessively... Yukito felt his very soul would be swallowed in a more eager gulp, and the prospect seemed nothing but pleasant... To live inside To-ya for all eternity...

Yukito felt his friend's arms squeezing him tighter, closing all the few inches that had been left between their chests. His fingers instinctively clutched to To-ya's blue and white sweater, and he winced at how long he had lethis nails grow... how careless... But he could swear he had cut them two days before!

But this was nothing compared to the length of his hair. As To-ya's hands played softly with it, Yukito gradually realized it was far, FAR longer than... than he could dream of! The tresses slid heavily down his back, coiled around his ankle and didn't stop there! How was he supposed to ride his bike like that? Or play soccer? The fullbacks just had to step on his braid to knock him down... 

To-ya liked his hair like that though. It was easy to tell by the way he held each strand so tenderly, so reverently. Oh well, if To-ya liked it, so be it. Maybe he could fasten it up for gym class... with a few hundred pins... 

Anything for To-ya. 

He relaxed in that loving embrace, forgetting anything that wasn't To-ya's mouth on his, To-ya's fingers in his hair, To-ya's heart beating against his, and the winged golden lion staring at him...

Ahn?

Of course this wasn't surreal enough. The winged golden lion, which wore an impressive armor chiseled with crimson gems, cleared its throat. "Ahem."

And Yukito had somehow seen the animal before actually opening his eyes and turning his head in its direction. Interesting.

To-ya, on the other hand, was so startled he almost fell. If it weren't for those really convenient wings and the relieving and abashing presence of the frisky balloon to hold him safe... 

"Don't creep up on me like this!" To-ya yelled angrily at the lion. "You know I can't sense your presence anymore!"

And abruptly, all that was bliss became sorrow and guilt. Yukito wanted nothing but to vanish in a black hole and die. 

He had stolen To-ya's light. In his selfish eagerness to survive, he had taken away his best friend's sight, his ability to sense sneaking lions and talk to loving mothers. What a worthless parasite he was, mutilating To-ya's greatest talent, blinding him, binding him to the confining limitations of an ordinary existence. 

And what for? Did he matter that much if he lived or not? Who would care for an old piece of useless furniture like him, so easily replaceable with the vainest ruby butterfly? He, who had made Sakura-chan cry...

Someone kissed him goodnight, and the golden lion, the frisky balloon, To-ya's dark blue eyes, and the sunset-lit clouds faded away into solid blackness. 

Good. This way it didn't hurt so much.

****

~*~

Surprisingly, Yukito woke up in his bed. Well, maybe this wouldn't be a surprise for most people, but lately he had found it terribly rare to wake up in his bed, and even more so to wake up in the same place where he had fallen asleep. Probably one of the side effects of not being human, or so he mused.

Actually, he **_didn't_** wake up in the same place he had fallen asleep this time either. Last thing he remembered was being with To-ya at their baito in the flower shop. His friend was in a bad mood because Akizuki-san had joined them for lunch in Seijyo High earlier -- and brought delicious rice balls to offer them, yummy yummy! -- and spent the whole meal hugging To-ya... But then how could anyone blame her for that? HE would love to spend hours hugging To-ya... 

...and then he thought of Sakura-chan and...

...he woke up in his bed, warm, cozy and... 

...happy.

Oishii!

In any event, an undeniable improvement considering the last few weeks, when waking up, no matter where he was, had turned into a lost battle against nausea, hunger and immeasurable fatigue. Thanks to To-ya these days were gone...

...and gone was To-ya's light too...

He opened his eyes and propped up on his elbows, putting some safe distance between his head and his pillow. He had just had a nightmare about the power transference, and he really didn't want to go back to it. 

A nightmare...?

Yukito felt his cheeks on fire. Did he dream... had he dared to dream of...?

To-ya.

Kissed. 

Him.

That was more than oishii. That was better than finding strawberries in his fruit salad, better than shrimps in the tenpura, better than marshmallows in the hot chocolate, better than gliding on the autumn breeze...

...gliding?

Wasn't it weird? He had wings in that dream. Big heavy wings, and they moved so easily, so naturally, as if he had been born with them. Now that would be cool... He pictured himself flying through the clouds at the burning sunset, sliding down a rainbow and floating down to lie in To-ya's lap, kissing him in a full moon night... Too bad this could only happen in dreams. 

Too good that To-ya couldn't read his mind too. Oh dear, if he had a clue of what shameful fantasies his trusted friend's subconscious could come up with, he would never want to see him again, not even covered with gold. Or caramel. 

Because even if Sakura-chan was right... even if he was To-ya's number one... that kiss was...

He could never kiss like that. So passionate, so deliberate, so deep and meaningful. So sure of himself. Or at least so sure that he could kiss and not make a complete fool of himself. Yukito was only sure that he would do everything wrong in his first kiss: clash teeth, bit the other's tongue, drool, forget to breathe and choke... And the second kiss wouldn't be much better, neither would the third, and then how much would anyone be willing to wait until he mastered the technique? Would it be easier or harder than mastering the bow and arrow? How long had he taken to do it?

How long, really? He couldn't remember ever taking classes. The first time he had hold a bow in his hands was... ahn...

He sat on the futon, scratching his head. This was so disrespectful. He had completely forgotten the name and the face of his archery sensei. He felt guilty and ungrateful.

That reminded him of the tall, dark silhouette of powerful aura, unnamed and unremembered, who had given him a jewel he had thrown away. Maybe **_that_** was the symbolism of the dream! Maybe that mysterious figure hid the semblance of his sensei? But what did that have to do with kissing To-ya?

Or perhaps dreams were just like that, random and unintelligible. Yukito couldn't tell, since he so rarely dreamed. And when he did, he mostly dreamed about food.

Hmmm... speaking of which...

A quick glance to the clock lightened up his humor. It was early, only six-fifteen. So he had time to cook a nice, nourishing, vast, oishii breakfast for himself. He could get some chives and mushrooms from grandma's garden and make sontsu howanyun. For some reason he was just in the perfect mood for Chinese this morning. 

But first he should tidy up his futon and sweep the floor of his bedroom. His old eiderdown had been spitting lots of feathers lately; the long snowy plumes were all over the house... If he didn't know better he would start worrying about having a couple of swans hiding somewhere in the house. 

Yawning lazily, Yukito put on his glasses and dragged his feet to the bathroom. In the mirror his hair seemed a shade darker, and so short! No, that was ridiculous, it had been almost two months since he last cut it, it was starting to form a thick curtain over his eyes. He should do something about it. Soon his grandparents would be coming home, and since he was a little kid grandpa always chided him whenever he let his hair grow enough to cover his glasses. He even nicknamed him Lhasa Apso, saying that Yukito reminded him of the ashen furry dog he had had in his childhood...

...childhood...

But...

...no.

There was never a childhood. Not for him. Not for his grandfather, who simply never lived at all. No one ever called him Lhasa Apso. No one ever ruffled his hair and smiled proudly at him when he got good grades. No one ever tucked him in bed at night and sang lullabies to him. He alone took care of the garden, and the house, and everything in his life. 

And he kept forgetting that, over and over. The room next to his was crowded with clothes nobody had ever worn, a large bed nobody had ever slept on, and souvenirs of trips never made. Twice a week Yukito cleaned that room fastidiously and prepared it to the return of its non-existent inhabitants. Three weeks after learning the truth about his real nature, he still did it. 

Why was it so hard?

He washed his face roughly, angry with himself for his feckless memory. How embarrassing... He had told To-ya hundreds of stories about his grandparents, and his friend had always known they were all lies. Thankfully, To-ya was too nice and gentle to laugh at his ignorance.

Sometimes he feared he would wake up and find out that To-ya and Sakura-chan were part of the lies and fraudulent memories, and that their friendship and care was just as unreal as the love of his grandparents. It wasn't something he really wanted to speculate about, but the dark fantasy chased him like a cruel nightmare. 

Yukito grabbed a towel but took a moment before drying his front. His wet, heavy eyelashes brought back the images of his dream. He hadn't cried then. He couldn't remember crying, not even once, not even in his fake past. However... the drops running down his cheeks, the eyelids trembling, the faint burning of his eyes... those were distantly familiar... like the kiss... and the guilt.

He shook his head, rubbing his face energetically with the towel. It was so much better when he dreamed about food! From those he always woke up satisfied. Okay, not satisfied; he woke up hungry enough to eat a hippopotamus -- were they edible? --, but also cheerful and with the disposition to hunt a hippopotamus. This awful dream had made him feel so contrite and lonely... Accepting To-ya's powers hadn't been his decision, but his other self's. He, Yukito, would do anything no to hurt To-ya...

...but he would also hunt a thousand hippopotamuses and two thousand rhinos for a kiss from To-ya. 

Yukito bit the towel in dismay. Where were those thoughts coming from?!

But it was true, wasn't it? It didn't even have to be a kiss so deep and perfect as the one in the dream. Only a quick clumsy smooch, just to taste his smile. That would be totally, absolutely, utterly oishii. 

Giggling at his blushing cheeks in the mirror, Yukito decided to leave the rhinos and hippopotamuses alone, prepare a more sensible breakfast, and wait in the usual spot for Sakura-chan and To-ya, so they could go to school together. Reality was good in its own way, and spending time with those two and see them happy was more than enough for him. Enough to make up for the loss of his never-existent family, enough to make him feel like To-ya's number one. 

Dreams like that one were thrilling but too depressing, and he could live perfectly well without them.

****

~*~

__

October 30th, 2001

****

Author's Notes:   
-- I warned you, this doesn't make much sense if you didn't read _"A Guardian's Heart"__ first.   
-- Touya's eyes are brown in the anime and blue in the manga. Both sets are lovely and intense, and I only chose the blue one for practicality. Yuki has brown eyes too, so it'd be confusing. My deepest apologies to Seeress for that.   
-- The marshmallows in the hot chocolate are for Daga, with many thanks for her help and support._

****

This story is part of the **Clow no Tenshi**** _timeline._**  



	2. Chapter One - Ride with the Cute Wild Be...

****

Wound of Farewell  
_by Morgan D._

****

Card Captor Sakura and its characters belong to CLAMP and Kodansha.   
I'm here just to make a mess of their story.   
Sequel to **"A Guardian's Heart"**_ (you should read it first in order to understand this one);   
the action is staged during the events of episode 70 of the anime and volume 12 of the manga.  
Tons of spoilers, Shounen Ai._

****

Glossary:  
**Kaijuu **_- monster_  
**Oniichan**_ - older brother_  
**Sontsu howanyun**_ - fried fish and legumes (Chinese culinary)_  
**Arigatou gozaimasu**_ - thank you very much_

****

~*~

Chapter One  
Ride with the Cute Wild Beast

No matter how slowly he cooked and ate, and how many times he arranged the Seijyo blue tie in front of the mirror, still Yukito was too early. He considered ironing his clothes until it was time to meet To-ya and Sakura-chan, but... he was simply too eager to see them again. So he just pushed his bike towards their rendezvous point and stayed there, leaning against the trunk of a naked cherry tree and mentally counting down the minutes until they arrived. 

To his joy and surprise, To-ya had apparently fallen off the bed this morning too. "Hey, Yuki!" the dark-haired boy waved as he entered the alley, probably waking up part of the neighborhood with his loud greeting. 

"Good morning, To-ya!"

To-ya parked his bike beside Yukito's, beaming at him the largest smile anyone had ever seen in his usually serious face. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. You're early."

If it was possible, To-ya's smile broadened even more. "So are you."

Yukito found himself blushing for no understandable reason. His friend had only showed him such an open smile in that strange dream of his... just before jumping in his arms... and...

He took off his glasses and cleaned them nervously with a handkerchief. This was not the kind of thing he should be thinking of now. Especially with To-ya leaning over the handlebars to stare so closely at him. 

"I went to sleep really early last night," Yukito murmured. "I think." At least that was what he had assumed, considering that he didn't have any recollection since around five o'clock of the previous afternoon.

"And did you sleep well?"

There were several ways of asking that. Sheer gentleness and politeness was the more usual -- although not for the taciturn To-ya. Another way was out of concern and consideration, like in those days Yukito had been fainting every other hour and never getting enough sleep -- but again this wasn't quite like To-ya; he didn't need to ask such things, he always knew. 

But the most unexpected way was how To-ya had just done it: whispering softly, hoarsely, his lips a few inches from Yukito's ear, his warm breath close enough to tickle, in a teasing, cuddly tone that sounded slightly... indecent.

Finding the proper tone to reply cost Yukito a few dozen fried brain-cells. "Fine. You?"

Did To-ya's eyes always glint like that? "Couldn't sleep at all," he hissed. 

The boy looked so... hungry this morning. Yukito vaguely wondered if he had had enough to eat at breakfast. "I'm sorry to hear that..."

The taller boy ran a finger through Yukito's fringe, brushing his hair away from his eyes. "Don't be. I just didn't want to wake up this morning and wonder if everything that happened yesterday was real or just a delicious dream..."

Yukito smiled and put his glasses back on, feeling more at ease at last. "I know what you mean."

To-ya's hand slid down to caress his friend's cheek. "Good." 

"We gotta thank Akizuki-san for that."

The hand froze. Blue eyes were eyeing him strangely under knitted brows. "Thank Akizuki? What for?"

"For the delicious rice balls she brought us, of course! I bet she made them specially for you," Yukito winked.

But To-ya had such an odd look on his face... As if a swarm of flying blackberries had just crossed his way. "Rice balls," he echoed distantly. 

His voice seemed to have flown away with the blackberries too. Yukito patted his arm to call his attention. "Yeah. Maybe we should treat her to lunch today. What do you think?"

To-ya looked down at his arm where he had touched him, his good mood evaporating in a scowl. Yuki made a mental note not to touch him again.

But... but... To-ya had never minded that before!

"Yuki... yesterday..."

"Yes?"

The dark-haired boy pressed the bike's brakes on and off nervously, gritting his teeth. "What is the last thing you remember?"

Yukito winced a little. "Well... working in the flower shop, I guess. I'm sorry... Did I fall asleep again?"

He certainly did. And To-ya seemed terribly upset about it. "I don't believe it..."

"To-ya...?"

His friend was more than upset. He proved that by socking the bike's innocent handlebars with a furious fist. "I don't believe it! He **_promised_** me!"

Yukito stepped back, startled by the abrupt outburst. To-ya's earlier attitude had been just as enigmatic, but at least then he was smiling and happy, and now... "To-ya, what happened? Who promised you what?"

"Well, that doesn't matter anymore, does it?" His friend stared right into his eyes, his chin hard with contempt. "Because the promise wasn't kept, was it?"

All of a sudden, Yukito felt a pit of lava exploding inside him, his heartbeat thundering loud and fast in his ears. He couldn't remember feeling so indignant, or so offended. He gave To-ya his sarcastic glare back and heard his voice falling to a lower, sinister pitch. "Maybe you should verify that closely before throwing accusations, To-ya."

The words frosted the air between the two friends with their glacial, bitter tone. The street exploded into timeless silence, disturbed only by the ruffling of the dead, saffron-colored leaves being swept by the winter breeze. 

For a moment Yukito's vision blurred, as if his glasses had abruptly became too weak or too strong for his myopia. When the world slowly regained focus around him, he noticed the alarming paleness of the dark-haired boy gaping before him. "To-ya...what...?"

"Angel?!" the other gasped. 

Angel? Was To-ya calling him... angel?

Yuki shook his head, trying to order his thoughts. This was ridiculous, of course. To-ya enjoyed nicknames, but was economic with endearments. He wouldn't waste them -- and certainly not one as sweet and affectionate as "angel" -- with a friend, not even the closest of them. Especially when this friend had just snapped at...

...!!!

He had snapped at To-ya?! Why?

To make things even more interesting, To-ya seemed just as confused as he felt. 

"I'm sorry, To-ya," he whispered sincerely. "I don't know what..."

"It's okay," his friend soothed him instantly.

"But I..."

Strong hands fell on his shoulders, amicable and reassuring. "It's okay, really. I'm the one who has to apologize."

"You? But you didn't..."

Again. Those sharp blue eyes on his, looking so deeply inside him, unveiling the core of his soul. Unsettling, but... so warm. So comforting. "I'm sorry. I was jumping to conclusions."

Yukito smiled, calm and relieved, his heart regaining its usual tranquil pace. All right. Everything was all right.

Except that he had no idea of what was going on. "To-ya... you spoke of a promise?"

The look softened a bit. "Yuki..."

"Something happened yesterday? Really, I can't remember anything past the flower shop." He scratched his head with a sudden thought. "I don't even remember getting paid."

"We weren't. We were fired for getting out earlier and leaving the shop open with no one to keep an eye on it."

Yukito's chin dropped. "We did that?!"

"We had to... to go someplace else."

"Where?"

"Tsukimine Temple."

"The Temple? Why? What happened there?"

To-ya sat back on his bike and snorted. "Now that is the part **_I_** fell asleep at."

Yukito's eyes widened in consternation. Was his friend having sleepiness spells too now? Was it contagious?

Sighing deeply, apprehensively, To-ya gazed at him with surprisingly bashful eyes. "Listen, Yuki... yesterday... you... I mean... You see, I... ahn..."

"ONIIIIIIICHAAAN!!!!!!"

To-ya heroically managed not to jump three meters high at the enraged yell. Yukito waved at the little girl sliding around the corner on incautiously fast roller blades. Even from two blocks away he could see the smoke fuming out of her ears. "You left Sakura-chan behind again, To-ya?"

"I tried," grunted the other. "I wanted to talk to you in private. You know."

Yukito was getting really worried. He knew? What did he know? Had he made a promise to To-ya and simply forgotten about it? And why the privacy? Was there something wrong with To-ya?

Sakura-chan reached them -- with an eerie screech of her wheels as she halted so abruptly -- before he could question his friend about it. "O... nii... chan..." she hissed, out of breath. "You didn't... *_puff puff_* ...wait... *_puff puff_* ...for me..."

"Didn't want to interrupt the Kaijuu's meal," To-ya muttered. "Or stay to watch it. It's not a pleasant view." 

Roller blades could kill. Or at least break some bones. After years having his teasing rewarded with feral kicks, one would think someone as intelligent as To-ya would have learnt that lesson...

As the dark-haired boy swallowed a yelp of pain, Yukito pretended not to see it, as always. "Good morning, Sakura-chan. Woke up with a lot of energy today, ne?"

The girl looked up at him and all the anger vanished from her pretty face... but wasn't replaced by the usual smile and blush. Sakura-chan seemed very nervous this morning, worried and somewhat abashed. And now that he paid more attention to her emerald irises, not that much energetic either. "Yukito-san... yesterday... you... I mean... You see, I... ahn..."

Yukito glanced at To-ya, who coughed and looked away, then back to the stammering kid. This would probably turn out a very long day.

"I hope you're feeling well this morning," Sakura-chan managed after a few more aborted attempts. 

He gave her a broad smile. So she was worried about his health? "I feel great. I slept like a baby, and my appetite returned to normal. Four portions of sontsu howanyun and six servings of rice were enough for my breakfast, and I'm sure my stomach can hold until lunch now."

To-ya coughed again -- or was that a chortle? Sakura-chan looked a bit disconcerted too...

Had he said something wrong?

"I'm glad," Sakura-chan said softly, her little mouth barely curving in a sad grin. "Because... I..." A sigh of embarrassment. "You are very..." Gulp. "Very important." Blush. "To me."

Yukito's heart melted. He knelt before her, not for the first time feeling like the luckiest person on earth. "You are very important to me too, Sakura-chan."

She smiled and breathed more freely now, but... There was a but there somewhere. He could almost see a shadow of sorrow swirling gravely around her petite figure. The fact that To-ya skipped the opportunity to mock his little sister's cute stammering was good evidence of that.

Yukito didn't want to push though. So he just climbed silently on his bike and the three of them got on their way.

They made the ride in complete silence. Never before Yukito had seen Sakura-chan pay so much attention to the holes in the asphalt. To-ya was just keeping up that reserved attitude he was famous for -- although there was still that mysterious thing he had wanted to say in private which he hadn't said and that apparently shouldn't be mysterious but it was...

Good grief...

Well, no use in worrying about it. To-ya would tell him later and everything would be clarified. If something was troubling Yukito into silence, it was something else.

The time to say goodbye to those pleasant rides to school was about to come.

Why must time pass? Why did he have to go to college? Why did the campus and Sakura-chan's school have to be in opposite sides of the town?

At least he and To-ya would be going to the same college. He couldn't even conceive the idea of parting with To-ya. But they wouldn't attend the same classes anymore, so there wouldn't be many excuses for them to study together. So when would Yukito get to see Sakura-chan now? A dark picture formed in his mind: a few years ahead, he would casually bump into a girl on the street, and she would be as tall as he is, beautiful but very changed, and he would sigh for having missed her growing -- and lost her closeness.

It was not a possibility he wanted to think about. But for some reason the idea of Sakura-chan growing up and changing was haunting him this morning like an evil serpent coming straight from hell to curse him. 

Oh dear... Maybe he was developing a sister complex as well?

Sakura-chan seemed definitely upset when they reached the elementary school gates. As if she didn't want to go in. The girl wasn't the most devoted of students, but she had always been eager to meet her classmates and have fun in gym class. Today she stared at the school building with as much anticipation as she would feel about entering a dental clinic. "Will you be okay, Sakura-chan?"

She nodded categorically, in that cute way of hers, trying to look happy not to worry him. "Sure! Have a nice day, Yukito-san." She turned to her older brother. "Bye, Oniichan."

"You have cooking class today?" To-ya inquired. 

"Yes."

"Then please pay attention. For my stomach's sake. You're cooking dinner tonight."

Sakura growled. For a brief moment the Kinomoto siblings managed to return to their funny routine and Yukito felt relieved. She slid to the gates as the two boys pedaled on towards Seijyo High, and Yukito found out it was easier to smile now.

"Yukito-san!"

He turned his head barely in time to see the girl throwing a tiny object in his direction, and he pressed the brakes to make sure he would grab it. To-ya snorted.

A nougat-filled truffle. 

"Arigatou gozaimasu!" he cried out and waved. She waved back and disappeared between the gates.

He put the candy in his jacket pocket and pedaled faster to reach To-ya, smiling ear-to-ear. "Your sister is a really sweet kid," he commented.

"You spoil her too much," the other objected.

"To-ya?"

"Hmm?"

"Is she worried about my health? What was that all about?"

"She wanted to make sure that you're not mad at her..."

Yukito almost fell off the bike. "WHAT?! Why would I ever be mad at her?"

"..and to make sure that you knew she isn't mad at you either," To-ya finished with a shrug.

"But... did I do something to make her mad? Did I say something that hurt her feelings?" Yukito was frantic. He had last seen her the previous morning, also on their way to school. She was tired after a night of insomnia and he did his best to cheer her up. Maybe one of his efforts came out too clumsily and he didn't notice it...?

"Not exactly you, Yuki," Touya said simply.

Not exactly...?

Yukito wanted to kick himself. Of course! He hadn't been himself yesterday! That was what the sleepiness spells meant.

Well, for him at least. But To-ya had said earlier he had also fallen asleep at some point... Did To-ya have another self too?

"My other self and Sakura-chan had a fight?" Yukito's heart was painfully constricted. He knew nothing about whatever he became when he fell asleep. Was he a mean thug, vicious enough to hurt Sakura-chan's feelings?

"He was upset at... stuff," his friend said diplomatically. "And failed to make clear it wasn't Sakura he was upset at."

So it was just an honest misunderstanding? Yukito hoped so. "You think I should apologize to Sakura-chan?"

That brought an amused lopsided smile to To-ya's face. "Nah. That stuffed yellow toy had enough fun last night..."

"Huh?!"

They had gotten to Seijyo gates and brought their bikes to a halt. "Never mind. Don't worry about it, Yuki."

"But she seems somewhat distraught this morning..."

"It's not about you."

"No?"

"No."

Yukito studied the taller boy's somber demeanor and added two and two together. "It's about the kid from Hong Kong then."

That's when he realized that having a sister complex didn't mean fearing never to see Sakura-chan again. Sister complex meant turning into a wild roaring animal whenever a certain kid was mentioned anywhere near him. "That... miserable... GAKI! Took advantage while I was asleep... he dared to... Aaaaarrrgggh!!!!!"

To-ya looked really cute like that. Dangerous, but cute.

"Did he gave her a teddy bear?"

The wild animal stopped roaring for a befuddled second. "A teddy bear?"

"Like the one she gave me... but black. No?" The other shook his head. "Oh well. I was hoping he would."

"What do you mean, **_hoping_**?" 

Yukito had better remember the dangerous side of the cute beast before him, or he might lose an arm to its sharp teeth... "I don't know, To-ya. I just think... maybe you're overreacting a little."

"I'm not overreacting. That gaki is trouble! **_Serious_** trouble!"

Translation... "You mean, Sakura-chan likes him."

"I tell her who she's allowed to like and who she isn't," To-ya spat stubbornly. "And I don't like him, so she won't either."

Yukito was giggling. "I'm glad you like me, then."

The beast vanished abruptly, replaced by a sad, worried boy. "Yuki... you really don't remember? Nothing at all? Not even when we...?"

"TOUYA-KUUUUUUN!!!"

"Aaaa-ckk!"

Yukito wasn't sure if To-ya had tried to say Akizuki-san's name as a greeting, or just scream. It became impossible to tell when she landed on his back and gave him another of her very enthusiastic and amiable hugs.

"Touya-kun, I'm **_so_** glad to see you again!" she chanted merrily. "I mean, I saw you yesterday... but how **_could_** you?! You slept through the whole thing! And I wanted so much to show you my battle outfit... You do like butterflies, don't you, Touya-kun?"

Slept through... Had Akizuki-san found both him and To-ya when they were asleep? Was she asleep as well? Maybe there was some great somnambulism party the evening before... "Good morning, Akizuki-san," Yukito greeted her cordially, ignoring the desperate look his best friend sent him. "I wanted to thank you again for those rice balls, yesterday. They were positively delicious."

"Thank Eriol," she snickered. "I can't cook to save my life. How are you doing, Tsukishiro-kun?"

"Great, thanks." Eriol... that friend of Sakura-chan's? He and Akizuki-san knew each other? And hadn't she bragged a thousand times about being the best of cooks the day before?

"Had your hair cut? Looks a bit shorter."

Yukito ran a hand through his hair, bewildered. It was longer than ever, but he **_had_** felt like it was shorter when he woke up. And... the way the girl was looking at him... as if she had just sent a prank his way and was waiting for him to notice it... 

No, that was absurd. Akizuki-san was so nice and friendly...

...ne?

"Well, never mind," she shrugged. "You should work on a full remodeling, you know. The only way old models can compete with new ones is by keeping up with fashion, wearing the colors of the decade, getting new make-up, a new hairstyle -- have you considered dyeing? Silver is so two centuries ago! No one is for the plain and austere anymore. And nothing is more boring than white and blue. It doesn't gleam, it doesn't scream, it doesn't say anything. White is for dead walls, my friend. Emphasis on "dead". If you wanna look alive, you gotta run after it, invest in it. Of course, nothing can keep the old engines from growing rusty, slower and weaker, but sometimes if you look impressive enough you won't be called to prove your skills. Sometimes."

Yukito could only stare at her in astonishment, unable to glimpse what she could be talking about. White and blue? He seldom dressed like that, if ever. The Seijyo uniforms, of course, but he didn't have any choice, and Akizuki had to wear the same... even if she weren't wearing any uniform now for some reason... but...

... and what did she mean by old engines? He had just turned 18!

Akizuki-san was a peculiar girl, and often said things to him that he didn't understand. Maybe that was to be expected, since she was a foreigner. But it didn't matter. She was always around, asking him about his health and disposition, checking on him in one way or another... She was also kind enough to replace him when his sleepiness spells prevented him from keeping up his promises of giving a hand to the soccer and basketball team -- except in official games, when teams were necessarily all men or all female-formed. Oh, and she would yell a lot about that, saying that gender wasn't an issue with her. Well, unfortunately it was for the judges...

And he could only sympathize with her eagerness to be around To-ya too. Hadn't To-ya himself said that Yukito and Akizuki-san had lots in common? Yukito was sure of that, he felt it in his bones, and enjoyed the girl's cheerful company. On the other hand...

On the other hand, he was feeling slightly annoyed at her chattering this morning. Why, he couldn't tell.

He tried to think of a polite but vague reply to cut her out, but something far more urgent called his attention. "Ahn... Akizuki-san? I'm afraid To-ya is turning blue..."

The girl blinked and looked at the face on top of the neck she was still hanging from. It went past blue, it was completely purple, with eyes about to pop out of their sockets. "Eeps..."

She jumped down, hands fingering her braided lock, gazing sheepishly at the coughing boy that staggered forward, holding Yukito's arms for support. "Aki... *_cough cough_*... zuki.. *_cough_* ...are you... trying... *_cough cough cough_* ... to **_kill_** me?"

"Touya-kun!!!" she shrieked. "How can you say something like that? After all we've been through together..."

To-ya looked at her as if she had turned into a flying blackberry too. 

"Don't worry, Akizuki-san," Yukito reassured her. "To-ya is just kidding, ne?"

Judging by the flabbergasted look the taller boy gave him, To-ya was seeing swarms of blackberries everywhere.

The girl smiled sweetly and leaned against To-ya's chest. "I know... Touya-kun is such a lovely wag..."

A wag... Now that was **_not_** the way Yukito would describe his best friend... well, maybe around Sakura-chan he was a bit of a wag, but... it was something so private, so intimate, a facet he reserved only for his family and... 

He blushed. To-ya was a bit of a wag with him too. Just a little bit, usually when no else was in earshot. Had Akizuki-san finally managed to get close enough to...? She was hugging To-ya so tenderly... and he wasn't really fighting her embrace, he was just standing there, looking at the clouds above and muttering unintelligibly. Maybe...

What if she got to know To-ya better than he did?

"How are you feeling this morning, Touya-kun?" the girl asked charmingly. "It was so unfair that you had to miss all the fun yesterday... You'd have seen me and Mr. Silver Boredom face to face... I bet you'd have changed your mind about..."

"I won't. Ever."

Hard, direct, definitive. Whatever they were talking about, To-ya wasn't admitting second thoughts about it. 

Akizuki-san still seemed somewhat skeptical though. "Eriol once felt like you do now, you know. And even he recovered his senses eventually."

"Good for you. But I'm not him."

"Yes, but..."

As Akizuki-san proceeded with her obscure arguing, Yukito started to feel really left out. He had spent lots of time in the company of the Kinomotos, and he always knew what they were talking about. Well, except for that incident with Daidouji Sonomi and Fujitaka-san -- but even then Touya hurried to explain the whole story soon afterwards, even being such a delicate topic in the family. And now, however... "Ahn... I guess I should be going inside," he announced. "Classes will start in a minute and... and..."

...and he wouldn't be going anywhere. Not with To-ya holding his wrist as if for dear life. "Wait."

Yukito gulped. "I don't want to intrude..."

The dark-haired boy pursed his lips. "You're not the intruder here. And I'm not having any more of this. You and I are going in **_together_**." He turned to the girl with a humorless grin, waving a finger to the elegant scarlet costume with yellow tie she was wearing. "And I suppose **_you_** are staying out, since you're not in your uniform. So... have a nice day, Akizuki." With that, he pulled his shorter friend towards the school gates.

But Yukito didn't move. "You're not coming in? That's too bad! To-ya and I were going to invite you to lunch today..."

Had he become a flying blackberry as well? To-ya was sure giving him a weird look... which turned into a gaping grimace as Akizuki-san threw herself in his arms once again. "You were? Touya-kun, you're so sweet!"

Sweet. Yeah, **_that_** was a word Yukito would easily use to describe To-ya...

Well... maybe not now.

"I am so NOT taking you to lunch!!!! I never said I would!!! And you already admitted you didn't make those rice balls!!! So Yuki and I don't owe you anything!!! Now let go of me!!!!!!!"

She did. Eventually. "I really wish I could go," she sighed. "But I got so much to pack!"

"Pack?" the two boys blinked.

"Yeah. I just came to say goodbye, you know. I'm going back home tomorrow."

"Home?" To-ya gaped. "As in back to England?"

"Yep."

Yukito suddenly felt numb and empty. Apathetic. But deep inside him, he still could sense something warm and hopeful being silently shattered into a million pieces. 

****

~*~

__

March 4th, 2002

****

Author's Notes:

-- The explanation for Sakura's insomnia is in episode 68. First she had to go to her school in the middle of the night to defeat a snowmen army sent by Eriol. And when she finally got home, she was too troubled about what her two Guardians had said about Clow Read to fall asleep.  
-- During the brief fight between Yue and Ruby Moon in episode 69, she managed to cut a few strands of his hair.

****

This story is part of the Clow no Tenshi_ timeline. Check my bio and visit my site to learn more about this project._


	3. Something I Thought I'd Never Do

I am extremely sorry to do this. I don't particularly like when authors post messages to the readers in the form of a fake new chapter to an ongoing fic. It's such a disappointment when you get the message from FFnet saying that that story you love was updated, only to click on the link and find out that it was a lie. So I deeply, deeply apologize for doing exactly so right now.

For the past few weeks, I've been getting increasingly hostile reviews from this one person demanding that I either update this story or explain why I'm not updating. Unfortunately, said person hasn't left me any way to contact them personally, leaving either anonymous messages or signing with nicknames without logging in. And while I'm flattered by the interest, this is starting to feel a little "stalker-ish" to me. (And really, I hate how people overuse the word "stalker" these days, using it to label anyone who has more than a passing interest in someone else. So this is something else I never expected to say.)

I know I could solve this problem by setting my account to only accept reviews from logged-in FFnet users. But I do not wish to do that.

This is what I'd say to the person sending me those reviews, if I could contact them:

1. I honestly don't know if I'm ever going to finish this story. I want to. I really, really want to. I have six chapters more and the epilogue half written, so, in theory, if I could get my mind back into CCS mode, I could finish it. I haven't lost hope myself.

2. On the other hand, I have moved on. It's been ten years since I last updated. My life has changed considerably. I have a new job. I have new interests. I don't have as much free time as I used to. I still write fanfiction, but not nearly as much as I did back then (and not nearly as much as I wish I could). Currently, I'm writing Glee fanfiction. When I can.

3. When someone writes to me and tells me, "I wish you'd update that old fic of yours", I'm happy, and I usually pause for a while to reread my old drafts, sometimes I even manage to write a little more, maybe even finish a new chapter. Nice reviews are inspiring. On the other hand, sending me messages every day (or twice a day) to complain about me only serves to put my nerves on edge.

4. I'd like to recommend Neil Gaiman's wise words, "George R. R. Martin is not your bitch".

journal. neilgaiman. com /2009/05/ entitlement-issues. html (remove spaces)

And when you read it, please take in consideration that fanfiction writers are not even paid. We write for fun, we share in friendship, and receive no material rewards. Your frustration is totally understandable. There are countless fanfics out there by authors I love, in several fandoms, that will probably never be updated again. That saddens me terribly, but I have no right to demand anything from those authors.

5. Finally, Touya and Yue/Yukito are fictional characters. And I am just one of many, many fanfic writers who's told stories about them. I am definitely NOT their only hope of happiness. O_o

Again, my apologies to everyone, and thanks for reading. Please do NOT leave reviews discussing this situation any further. PM me if you wish.


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